Public Speaking Tips for When you Forget

We may have dreams of walking on stage with no clothes on, dreams of being on stage, looking at your notes and not being able to read them, dreams of being announced on stage and having no idea what you are supposed to say. 
In some variation, we have all had these imaginings, sometimes as nighttime visions or other times as dark daydream fantasies.
One of my regular musician dreams was to go on stage, in full glare, to play a piece I had never seen before and find that the music stand was set up behind me.

Most speakers fear that they will forget their words.
Why else would they write out their complete script in bullet points and then project it as a slide show?
We have all been in an audience where the presenter does no more than read to us what we were perfectly capable of reading for ourselves.
Sometimes it is better to kick away the supports and just go for it
If you want to learn to have fun in the water, it is better to jump in and learn how to swim than to spend the rest of your life holding onto a rubber ring.

There are two areas to focus on if we want to minimise the embarrassment of forgetting our words in front of an audience:
(i)             take the necessary steps to prepare in a way that reduces that risk
(ii)            learn how to respond.

10 tips to handle the fear of forgetting

1. Get over yourself! ‘No one died’

‘Should the worst happen and I forget…?’  Really?  People are starving, people who have lost everything in a fire, and there are many instanances of divorce, death, and personal devastation.
Forgetting your words is probably not the ‘worst thing’.
Therefore, tip #1 is to take a step back and put it all into perspective.  I remember a speaker telling us that if you mess up your presentation, most of the audience won’t even notice, while the remainder will either laugh or be glad that you messed up. 
So if nothing else, at least be proud of the malicious joy you will bring to so many people simply by crashing and burning.  Sorry – that was facetious!
The real point is that if we invest too much importance in ourselves and our delivery, then any slip will take on the dimensions of a disaster.
I am sure many times you have sat around a table and forgotten a point or even lost your place in what you were saying, and it did not ruin your day.
So put it all into a little perspective.
I remember when I was still playing the cello professionally, working with a famous singer who, at the start of their first song, completely missed their entrance.
They simply stopped the band, asked:
‘What are we singing?’ Oh yeah! Start again.’
They got a standing ovation for messing up their first entry!
Why? - Because they did not make a big thing out of it.
And therefore…don’t be afraid to…

2. Ask for help

I remember hosting an evening, and after introducing the speaker, I sat down in the front row to listen.
Unfortunately, my mind drifted to my other duties for the evening, because the next thing I was aware of was a moment’s silence as the speaker had lost his place and had turned to me and asked:
‘What was I saying?’
I had no idea.
So in this case, the speaker forgot, and I was the one who looked like an idiot.
(So that may be a useful additional tip for hosting a speaker: Pay attention to what they are saying!)
But the point is that the speaker forgot, was not embarrassed (or at least did not show any embarrassment), and no one in the audience thought any the worse of him.
(What they thought of me was another matter).
I remember a Public Speaking coach making a very effective point about this.
Toward the end of his talk, he said:
‘On five occasions during the last hour, I forgot something and asked the audience for help.
On four of those occasions, I promise you, I knew exactly what came next.
On one occasion, I was genuinely confused, but you would probably not be able to tell me which time that was.’
He explained that by engaging with the audience he got them more actively involved in the presentation, and most people like to feel that they are able to contribute and share their knowledge - and that majority of the audience who otherwise would not know or care that you slipped up are actually impressed with your honesty and calmness and the ones who take joy in other’s misfortune?  Well, you have just robbed them of their malicious delight!

3. Recap or restate

‘Keep calm and carry on.’  So you have a moment’s blank.  Rather than thrashing around, take the chance to recap where you have got to (recapping is always good for helping the audience stay on top of what they are hearing), and there is a good chance that the process of recapping will remind you of what you wanted to say next.  It is like tracing your steps to find your keys – first I was here, then here, and then….Now I remember!

4. Make your point

In the same way as you can become confused for a moment as to why you were walking into town, stop, think and remind yourself why you were going and that should help to jog the memory and help you back on track.
When preparing school students for a speaking contest, usually during the final rehearsal one student would ask:
‘What do I do if I forget?’
‘Do you know your key message?’ I would ask
Tell the audience your message – i.e. let them know where your talk is leading.
That should remind you of where you are.
In the very worst case it means that you may finish your speech early
Not ideal – but at least you will have made your point!

5. Rhetorical crutches

There is a reason most of the rhetorical techniques exist and that is because they serve a purpose beyond the rhetorical and poetical.  Many of them are great ‘place-holders’, opportunities to tread water as you prepare to move on.
(i)            Rhetorical questions are great for buying a bit of time.
So I have got lost for a moment, and I buy some time by asking a series of questions:
‘So why am I saying this?  Why is this so important?  How does this affect the situation?
And hopefully I have regained the thread and can move on
(ii)           Repetition (anaphora)
You will hear many politicians buying some time to gather their thoughts with words like:
‘We need to take these steps for the sake of our society.’
‘We need to take these steps for the sake of our community.’
‘We need to take these steps for the sake of each one of our friends, our families, and those we care most about.’
(ii)           Paraphrase
This is a way of drawing out from the detail in front of us to get a bigger picture and then using that to go back in.  For example:
‘I suppose what I am saying is that this is a problem of significance that affects each one of us and will only increase unless we acknowledge it, examine it, and address it.’
In each example, we are adopting a holding pattern that allows us to draw back from the detail on the presentation and focus a moment on the bigger picture and then, as necessary, dive back in.

6. Pause

Pausing is another option for stepping back for a moment.
Remember that a pause never feels as long for the audience as it does for the speaker.
You have two choices:
(i)            use the moment to drop your eyes, so that it looks like you are thinking (deeply) on your subject.
(ii)           make eye contact with the audience, moving slowly from one face or area to another, so that it feels like you are letting your last point resonate before you move on.
This may be enough time to capture the next part of your talk: if not, you can still go back and use any of the options above

7. Take a drink

I tend to cough at the best of times, so I do need water nearby.
I will often use that moment to gather myself.
And therefore, you can still reach for a glass of water even when you don’t need to – to regroup and get back on track.

Most manifestations of fear, nerves, and blanking out stem from a sense of losing control and feeling rushed, so anything we can do to wrestle back control and slow everything down will help.
I remember a tennis pundit commenting on Andy Murray’s first Wimbledon Championship win and observing how the major difference between that victory performance and previous defeats was his ability to slow down in between points.
Clearly, there was more to it than that, but taking control of the moment was significant.

Steps to take before speaking – to minimise the chance of forgetting

8. Prepare

I have just been speaking to a Head of Training about senior managers.
These are people with experience of the business, with the confidence that comes from their position, who therefore think they can ‘wing’ it through a presentation.  It never works.
As Pascal said:
‘I am sorry I wrote you such a long letter, I did not have time to write a short letter.’
Being succinct and clear takes focus, and there is a massive difference between knowing you have to say something and having something to say.
Other people’s time is valuable, so we need to prepare well to make the best use of that time.

9. Visualise

Create a visual aid in your mind to help you remember the course of the presentation.
This could be a form of journey; some speakers imagine walking through a building where every room contains an object or some aid to memory, and so they just need to visualise moving from room to room in order and ‘seeing’ the reminder of their next point.
I might create a ‘word chain’, which is a series of words that I can easily remember that help me to remember the order of my words.

10. Structure

Until you know the structure of your presentation and until you know the exact purpose of your presentation, it will be very hard to create a word chain or journey through a building and it will be very hard to write bullet points or key words, as you will not yet know what the important words are.
Unless you are simply telling a story to make a point (TED talk), don’t walk out without any notes unless you are very confident in your subject.  However your notes should be the last thing you prepare after working out your message and your structure, and over time you will be able to slim those notes down, so that if you do forget it will only be within a small section, which you should be able to quickly identify and then move on.
Remember the Titanic!
They thought they had built it in separate compartments, so that if water entered, it would not sink the whole ship.  Unfortunately, the way it was damaged meant that one compartment spilled over to the next and dragged the whole ship under.
Keep your speech in clear, separate compartments so that if you get lost in one small section, it does not sink the whole presentation!