Public Speaking Tips for Winning and Argument

What is the purpose of winning an argument?
- so that you can dance around your opponent and crow?
- so that you can triumphantly assert you were right and they were wrong?
- so that you can smugly rest on the conviction of your superiority?
or
- so that you can get something done?
In his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey stresses the Win/Win formula.
It is a generous sentiment and probably the only basis for true co-operation.
If you crush or humiliate your opponent, at very best you will achieve a grudging, resentful compliance. 
And then what is going to happen when your back is turned? 
And how would you expect them to react if it turns out that you are not completely correct in some other area?
The challenge we have when Public Speaking is that it is very easy to come across as superior,
 -as after all - we are the person standing up in front of the room.
I remember a speaker putting the point across very well and with humour when he said:
‘You may not agree with me, but that is what I think and I am holding the microphone.’
He was joking, but that is often how it comes across.

Brian Boyd in his book ‘On the Origin of Stories’ points out in evolutionary terms that much of the subtle social sophistication that we have developed as human beings is based on the understanding that most of the time we need to work with others to succeed and there is always a balance between getting what you want and making sure that the group gets something as well,
because if I work with the support of a team and take all the benefits for myself, the team are probably not going to want to work with me again.
In the most mercenary terms, it is about finding the balance where I get what I want and the team gets just enough to co-operate again the next time.
On most occasions when we have an argument, it will be with someone close, a family member, a work colleague, or a potential client, and if we go for outright victory, while we may win that argument, we may have jeopardised the future relationship.

When I ran training sessions in schools, I stumbled across a piece of profound wisdom one day when I was working with a new Public Speaking trainer.  She had run the session well until, in one moment, she lost connection with the entire class, and the profound wisdom that I came up with was:
‘You cannot win an argument with a 15-year-old girl! –
And certainly not in front of her friends.’
If you win, you are a ‘bully’, and if you lose, then you are an ‘idiot’.
So the message was:
‘Don’t even go there!’
That was not Win / Win – it was one hundred percent Lose / Lose

10 tips for winning an argument

1. Leave them a route out

We all know the concept of the cornered animal:
when there is no obvious route to escape, the only option is to fight desperately.

So we need to leave our audience or the other speaker with a route out that they can take, preferably one that allows them to depart with their ego still intact.
I can remember situations when I was younger where I ended up defending the indefensible, because my whole ego had become associated with my argument, and to give way was to admit total defeat.
If you then imagine that happening in front of a room full of people, it is only natural to defend your position in total irrational desperation.
I once watched the presenter of a TV politics programme dismantle and crush a contributor from an ‘off the wall’ pressure group. 
As an exercise in clinical dissection, it was coldly impressive, but it was still an uncomfortable watch. 
Clearly, the presenter regarded the other person as a maverick with an overblown sense of themselves; they were small, petty, and unimportant. 
And as the presenter would never see them again, there was no jeopardy in humiliating them and creating an ongoing resentment.
And it did not reflect well on the journalist.
I am reminded of an image of Boris Johnson in a charity football match taking down a school student half his size. 
What would be impressive for a rugby international taking down another professional player at Twickenham is not as impressive when a robust adult wipes out a young minnow.

So if you expect an audience member to admit they are wrong, allow them to retain some level of dignity.

2. ‘You would think so’

I have three responses I teach prospective trainers to use when they have heard a incorrect answer:
(i)            ‘You would think so…’
What you are saying to the student is that although their answer was wrong, it was quite reasonable.
It was not a stupid answer, in fact it might have been quite a clever answer – which means they can retain the reassurance that they are an intelligent human being, but in this instance incorrect!
(ii)           ‘A lot of people think that…’
Probably one of our biggest fears is not just being shown to be wrong, but seeming like the only ‘idiot’ in the room.  This response allows you to disagree while allowing them the cover of knowing they are in good company!
(iii)          ‘That is interesting.  Why do you say that…?’
This is a particularly good response for trainers to use, as it delves deeper into the answer.
Maybe there is some fundamental misunderstanding of the situation, and if it is your role to educate, it is worth uncovering the thinking behind the opinion.
‘That is interesting’ allows the student to know that their opinion is worthy of consideration

The principle behind these three is always to try to win the argument without losing the person.

3. ‘If I were you I would think exactly the same’

This is one of Dale Carnegie’s brilliant circular statements.
It sounds conciliatory but means very little, because if I were you, I would obviously have that opinion, because that is the opinion that you have – and you are you!

4. Share an opinion

To make a statement of uncompromising ‘fact’ will be confrontational.  It is a direct attack on a counter-position, whereas to express your argument as an opinion opens up the possibility of the other person being able to entertain your position without having to totally abandon their own and then maybe with a little prodding and dancing you might be able to gently move them away from their wrongly held opinion.

Specific tips for Public Speakers

5. Assert your credentials clearly and early on in the presentation.

Let the audience know from the outset that your opinions and perspectives come from a position of experience and learning.  Particularly when there is a danger that your perspective will excite disagreement, it is a good idea to lay out your credential immediately, rather than having to go back and sound like you are justifying yourself after you have been challenged.

6. Explain your thinking

We like to think we are logical, rational human beings, and so if you can explain your point of view clearly and in a reasoned way, the ‘logos’ or your argument will be hard to resist.
We still use the term ‘byzantine’ to describe an argument that seems very complex and hard to follow, and if it is hard to follow, that could mean that the speaker is ‘playing tricks’ on us or attempting to ‘blind us with science’
The Socratic ‘Yes’ is a technique of asking a series of simple, clear questions that are guaranteed to draw an affirmative from the audience and then to reason that if ‘A’ is true and ‘B’ is true, then surely ‘C’ must also be true.

7. Be reasonable

Being emotional can often be seen as lacking reason.  It is the ‘pathos’ argument as opposed to the ‘logos’ argument, and while we do like to think of ourselves a ‘reasonable,’ we do not like to think of ourselves as being driven by emotion.  An over-emotional argument is always open to the accusation of lacking substance and the emotional speaker of lacking a cool, objective perspective.

8. Prepare for Objections

As the sales slogan says:
‘Put the roof on before it starts raining.’
If you handle the major potential objections during the presentation, you cannot be accused of not fully understanding the other points of view.
If you only react to objections when they arise, you might seem like a fire-fighter desperately attempting to stamp out the flames as they spring up, rather than a fire prevention officer who has already accounted for the dangers before they happen.

9. Keep your Ego in control

If your Ego seems to be involved in the argument, you are open to the accusation of being biased or emotionally invested in the outcome of the argument.  If you make sure you seem detached and emotionally above the situation the logic of your argument is more likely to shine through.

10. Stories and Examples

Stories are the key tool for a persuasive inductive argument.
‘Let me give you an example’
Not only are you moving your argument down from the realm of abstract thought to specific concrete examples, you are providing the audience with a picture that they can take away from the presentation, and as every good speaker knows: words quickly fade, but pictures remain.